I’m not going to bullshit you. I don’t care about the Mercury Prize. The bands involved have never appealed and it just seems like a circle-jerk celebration of obscurity, just slightly out-there indie and men who can both have a beard and simultaneously be amazingly effeminate. Apparently this year quite a few of the nominated albums are by women, which is unusual.
So less beards then.
Bearing this in mind, I shall now give a rundown of the nominees based on what little I know of the bands, based on half watched videos, posters and, in some cases, just their name.
Florence and the Machine – Lungs
Twee indie delivered by someone who is more fringe than musician.
Kasabian – West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
Angry northern types – sound like the Stone Roses, but not as good. At least one song will be about a slutty girl.
Bat for Lashes – Two Suns
Fringe-based indie, again. I reckon this one will be more Hawkwind than Kate Bush though. Not sure if that’s a good thing.
La Roux – La Roux
The 80s made flesh, doing things with keyboards so cliched even Dave Stewart would blush.
Glasvegas – Glasvegas
Angry Scottish types sounding like Joy Division but not as good. At least one song will be about drinking.
Speech Debelle – Speech Therapy
Sounds French. After a tiny bit of research – She’s not French. She’s an MC.
Friendly Fires – Friendly Fires
I bet this band have lots of piano. And checked shirts. And tight jeans. Like EVERYBODY ELSE.
The Horrors – Primary Colours
I honestly thought this lot were a joke dreamed up by The Mighty Boosh.
Lisa Hannigan – Sea Sew
Twee songs played on an acoustic guitar? Again? Really?
The Invisible – The Invisible
Something to do with electronica. Probably enjoyed by men who wear waistcoats.
Led Bib – Sensible Shoes
Jazz! Seriously! Token act? Of course! Better than the other acts on the list? Strangely, I expect so.
Sweet Billy Pilgrim – Twice Born Men
Any band with ‘Billy’ in the name will be men with beards making things people call soundscapes. Cos they can’t write songs.
Good luck, you lot!