Frankmusik – Confusion Girl

At my school – an all boy type institution – you fell into one of three camps. You might have been an indie-loving sort – rubbish at football and with enormous sideburns to prove you didn’t care about sport. You could’ve been a games-lesson-loving trendy with your facial furniture shaved to the ear so that not a single wisp of sidie adorned your non-hippy head. Or, finally, you may have been a ‘grebo’ – a metaller who broke all the rules and grew hair long, neatly trimming undergrowth with a devastating operation called an undercut – a number one or two all the way around the area below your scalp.

Mr Frank Musik, it seems, is stuck somewhere between these three schoolboy stages.

It’s impossible to comment on this not-entirely-unpleasant single without mentioning it. It’s like a suede toupee, PVA glued to the scalp, catching the eye like a fly floating past the television. It rather overshadows the music, this cut, which isn’t difficult as it sounds like an inoffensive Lloyd-Webber vocal grafted over a directionless Eurodisco loop. The kind of thing you might hear as you wait outside Topshop as the woman in your life spends an eternity deciding nothing in there’s good enough for her.

But then – hark! Is that Holly Vallance?

The appearance of the Aussie beauty, previously thought lost forever, casts a new light on the song, on the video, on Frank, on the WHOLE DAMNED THING! Suddenly I thoroughly approve of Frank and his Musik. And I like watching Holly beating up muggers unconvincingly.

So hats off to Frank Musik. I lift my weird toupee in your direction, for giving some paid work to an antipodean actress who briefly rocked my world. In the 90s.

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  • Fiona Mayhem
    Posted July 24, 2009 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    Didn’t she have a record out once too?

  • Posted July 24, 2009 at 11:13 am | Permalink

    I very nearly had a proper metal undercut. Then I realised I would look even stupider than before. An impressive feat.

  • Posted July 24, 2009 at 11:35 am | Permalink

    I never had an undercut but I did have long hair, sideburns and a beard. My beard went through all the colours of the rainbow too. Magical.

  • Crispybits
    Posted July 24, 2009 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    Wasn’t he shagging her for a bit? Think that is why she’s in the video. If so, I hate him. If not, sorry for the confusion Mr Musik.

  • Posted July 24, 2009 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    Sideburns and a beard – so they didn’t join? Thats personal grooming commitment!

  • Posted July 24, 2009 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    He’s no Phil Collins, is he?

  • Posted July 24, 2009 at 12:36 pm | Permalink

    I had an undercut at school, which combined with ginger hair and a beard got me served in pubs, but made me look like the Anti-Play, of Kid n’ Play ‘fame’.

  • Posted July 24, 2009 at 1:23 pm | Permalink

    Sounds like a Garry Barlow tune.
    “Engayeyayeyaged tone”
    You’re right it isn’t unpleasant, just a few points less than good though…

  • Posted September 26, 2009 at 9:50 pm | Permalink

    I now have an undercut – a number one or two all the way around the area below your scalp. the exact same as frankmusik’s it deadly

  • Posted November 10, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

    I always read this song as the story of a girl who doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going and how the guy came to the conclusion that it was best to leave her to it and go solo. Then I watch the video and my image of humble, love-struck and confused Frank of Musik turns very sour. Not ONLY can this guy float along the surface of the ground but he’s got perfect timing, great basketball skills AND is doing the nasty with Holly Valance. No humility whatsoever. I imagine if the song was five minutes longer Frank would have defeated the Taliban and fixed the ozone layer. NOBODY likes a winner!

    Hi, I’m Tom :)

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