Wolf + Cauldron – Camden Underworld

It’s Friday night in glamorous London Taaahn Innit, and as it’s Vones’ birthday, and he’s already well away by the time he arrives, it falls to me dear reader, to report to you all the latest musical juice pouring out around the tube station. Venture with me then, into the bowels of the Camden Underworld.

Actually, let’s arrive on time, realise all your mates are going to be an hour late, and pop into the Worst Pub In Camden ™ The World’s End for an overpriced pint of sour Blackthorn first. After a trip to the hellish toilets it’s time for another, before realising your ex-fiancée is bobbing about on the other side of the bar. I swiftly withdraw to the relative civilisation of the Camden Eye across the street, and in doing so increase the chances that this marvellous little boozer will ply me with free beer at some point.

Onto the gig! There’s a support band, but I’ve already forgotten their name-as far as I can tell they sounded a bit like Annihilator, only worse-high praise indeed! Onto the only actually Canadian group of the evening: Cauldron!

Taking the somewhat unusual career path of deliberately trying to sound like mid-80s second stringers, they’re actually quite good fun. All the band members are appropriately skinny, and singer Jason Decay (yes, really) has a magnificent Powerslave-era Bruce Dickinson Fringe married to a Geddy Lee voice, an overall effect that brings to mind 2 foxes fighting at a Cirith Ungol concert. To be fair, they do sound better than on the album, with a bass heavy sound and lots of general ridiculousness making them entertaining, if not actually good. Extra points are awarded for having a song with the ludicrous title “Chained Up In Chains”. They’ll go down a storm on the Euro mini-fest circuit.

Having alternated between fizzy, overpriced cider and fizzy, overpriced lager all evening, it’s time to switch to rum and try to ignore the mysterious stain that’s appeared on the Celtic Frost shirt-never let it be said I’m not sartorially prepared for these events – as a band already big on the festival circuit arrive-the joyously mental Wolf.

Wolf first came to my attention with their first album-I was going through a short phase of only buying CDs if they had either a man with an axe or a terrible beast on the cover – great way to get into Iron Angel I can tell you – and Wolf’s debut has possibly the worst rendering of a wolf ever commited to paper, witness it here.

Always locked up tight, constant touring with vets like Tankard and Saxon has honed the band to the nth degree, hackneyed stage patter and all. They make bad jokes, they headbang in unison, they get the audience to wolf-howl in memory of the dead. They’re great, sounding, as they always have, like Mercyful Fate covering the first two Iron Maiden albums, it’s the energy levels that keep this from dating, from hot rockin opener Evil Star, through to the menacingly silly closer Venom (Sample lyric – Dark as a shadow, sharp as a knife, a burning hellfire on the rise – suffice to say it’s hardly Ibsen), all that’s required to enjoy Wolf is a willingness to park your sense of cool outside the door and headbang like a grinning loon. If they’d been around 25 years ago, they’d be filling stadia by now, but we can be thankful they’re still in sweaty hellholes on a regular basis. Fist pounding fun for all.

Dizzy, sweaty and drunk, The DT staffers head to the Devonshire, where amazingly a DJ from my hometown is playing. He plays thew same set he played in 1990, only now enough time has passed that people think he’s ironic, rather than crap. I’d like to take this opportunity to say that if I’m ever stuck listening to “we’re not gonna take it” on a Friday night again I will burn the venue down. I retire for falaf.

A great metal night out-happy birthday Vones!

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  • Posted October 12, 2009 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    This video needs a Beevis and Butthead “WOAH!”

  • Fiona Mayhem
    Posted October 13, 2009 at 10:28 am | Permalink

    The Worst Pub in Camdem TM is also possibly the Worst Pub in London, and I might go as far to say in All England.

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 11:16 am | Permalink

    I played a session there for an Indian rap band called “The Swamis”
    Parking costs a fortune!!

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 11:18 am | Permalink

    it’s so bad, it’s almost as bad as The Purple Turtle down the road -that’s how bad it is!

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    If you can’t even be bothered to remember a bands name, or how they definitely sounded. Don’t bother reviewing them. You absolute cretin.

    Elimination (That band. You fucking prat!)

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

    OK, here’s your review.

    Elimination were sub par meat and potato thrash. Nothing innovative or interesting. The singer was also a bit fat which made me laugh.

    Ha ha fatty!

    Now fuck off and write some decent material rather than whining on about reviews you don’t get.

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    Elimination! Thanks for the memory jog Fatty!

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    ps -NT, you can park behind my house next time, free in the evenings see!

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 3:24 pm | Permalink

    I rarely get up to the Londin nowadays but when I do next I’ll bear you in mind, ta.

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    Jamie’s Meat and Potato Thrash

    2lb meat
    2lb potatoes

    Place meat and potatoes in bowl.
    Thrash vigorously for twenty minutes.

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    I can’t stand a fat singer, me.

    Except Meatloaf, he was alright. And fat Elvis.

    Oh, and Barry White was OK.

    Englebert Humperdinck? He was a bit chubby round the chops …

    … mind you, he wasn’t all that bad either.

    I’ve not thought this through.

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 3:39 pm | Permalink

    Talking of terrible pubs, I once did a gig at the Water Rats, playing stand-in keyboards and sax in a terrible whiteboy funk band (the guitarist of which was the son of Terry Britten who co-wrote What’s Love Got To Do With It for Tina Turner, fact fans).

    Anyway, terrible pub.

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

    ah the Water Rats was bloody awful! And what’s that place in Croyden that every touring band in Britain is forced to gig at by law? It’s SHIT! how about someone opens a nice pub, and puts good bands on -preferably with attractively slim singers? They’d clean up!

  • Posted October 13, 2009 at 7:50 pm | Permalink

    Are you thinking of The Cartoon Interceptor?

    Worst gig either Harlesdon Labour club, depping for a woeful covers band called “Campari” (they paid me!) or depping for an Irish/C&W band at The Grand in Clapham.
    They were selling calendars in the interval for “The Cause” not the safest environment for an Englishman…..

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 10:12 am | Permalink

    I am indeed! A friend of mine fell over those ridiculous bars they have and broke her foot in there once, but my experience was limited to playing to a handful of disinterested goths. Oh The Bradford Empress is highly anti-rated as well, although that may be because last time I played there, a race riot was kicking off outside…

    PS:”Campari”?? Really? What covers did they do? The mind boggles!

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    Old Cliff Richard and …oh I can’t go on…..

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    Well thank you for taking the time to write that for us! When your opinion matters, or you journalism holds one iota of integrity, I shall be letting you know. Until that day, enjoy the illusion of self-importance! I’m feeling the urge to make a little essay out of this, I’m not sure I’ve encountered such an infuriating little ‘journo’ prat before, but I can look at any other review I have received and realise that you are just another idiot playing journalist.

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 11:09 am | Permalink

    Only little compared to you, lard-o!

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 12:54 pm | Permalink

    Hang on, hang on, who’s playing-me for writing this, or Von for calling you a tubby funster?

    Shall we give them a proper review readers? Alright then, gather round, and I’ll begin…

    Entering the cave-like interior of the Underworld is always an adventure, but unfortunately openers Elimination fail to justify the effort it takes to circumnavigate the various hangers-on surrounding the bar. Playing a sub-par thrash that reeks alternately of Alison Hell era Annihilator and an ill-fitting modern sensibility. The vocals carry the diction of Destruction, but are shouted out in a monotone sub Pantera style that does the lacklustre lyrics no favours at all, while the music itself is decidedly po-faced, lacking a sense of fun that would surely bring things to life. Until they lighten up and tighten up, Elimination are treading water, every song sounding alike, with cretinous titles like ‘Destroyed by creation’ making the student intellectualism and simulated extremity all too obvious, the band have the musicianship, but not the vision or creativity to escape the rut they’ve dug themselves.

    Better? Now fuck off fatty.

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 1:03 pm | Permalink

    Did they do ‘Devil Woman’ NT? That would be ace!

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 1:18 pm | Permalink

    The sponsored link on Eliminations myspace page is for gastric bands, I kid you not.

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    I hope they’re “Wired for sound” int

  • firecracker
    Posted October 14, 2009 at 1:43 pm | Permalink

    “illusion of self-importance” my my – now isn’t that a MASSIVE case of the pot calling the kettle fat, I mean, black.

    I was at this gig and I don’t remember you either, Elimnation. (And I’d hardley started drinking by that point)

    Get over yourselves and / or get better

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 1:48 pm | Permalink

    I don’t know NT, you know how these ‘young ones’ are…

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 3:00 pm | Permalink

    Funny, I was born in Paddington in 1964, my dad was English and so was my dad.
    Interesting huh?

    I’ll build a whole web page just for that eh?

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

    *looks for delete comment button*


  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 3:42 pm | Permalink

    Oh NT-cross-posting comments? For Shame young man! You’ve revealed yourself as a non-technological oldentimer, adrift in the digital era!

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    I’m noticing a theme of fat jokes running in this post. I’m not keen on any of this being on public display, but these things can’t always be helped. The rest of the band and I thrive on constructive criticism, and like to hear it in order to better ourselves, but things seem to have degraded to nothing more than fat jokes, which in know way helps anyone. I see this as nothing more than people hiding behind their computer screens trying to conjure ways to belittle others. Interceptor, if what you have just typed had been put in the ‘review’ to start with, I would have no qualms with it, however to make personal stabs at members of the band is totally unacceptable behaviour. If you would like to discuss this further or if anyone would like to see some ’sub-par meat and potato thrash’, we can be found playing at The Gaff, London on November 26th.

  • Von
    Posted October 14, 2009 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

    Well, you began this by calling Mr Interceptor ‘an absolute cretin’ and a ‘fucking prat’ which I believe counts as ‘personal stabs’ and isn’t that ‘totally unacceptable behaviour’?

    Thefore we are perfectly justified in returning the insult by childish namecalling

    (the best kind of namecalling)

    We do not simply belittle others, indeed we have given many bands a fair review and had you commented with something like

    ’sorry you didn’t like our set – we can send you a CD for review if you want or catch us at the next gig and share a few drinks’

    then you would have probably got a fair review.

    Instead we’ll call you names.

    You big fat twat.

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    Okay that start of that is a fair comment! Perhaps I should have simply done this first, I still feel that what was originally written served no constructive purpose to the review. I’m certainly not sorry for anyone not enjoying our music, each is entitled to there own opinion.
    I would still be more than happy to mail a copy of our new album for review. It must also be noted that I am not the singer.

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 4:35 pm | Permalink

    “This helps know one”.

    Mail it in big boy, we’re always happy to review, but I’ve listened to the tracks online and frankly I stand by my opinion. In addition, I didn’t remember your name at the gig, and I still think it sounded like a particularly laclustre Annihilator-something off King of the Kill for example. Variation, that’s what you need.

    What about the review of the other bands? Do they count? It’s a review of the night out. Your band isn’t very good. In my opinion.

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    I never said the reviews don’t count. I have already said that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I’m not sure what you’re expecting me to say. If the rest of this conversation is going to consist of nothing more than name calling, then I’m done here.

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

    yay! we made him run away (not very fast though..because he’s fat…). Downtuned-your one stop shop for childish bullying! Feel free to join us at The Gaff, London on November 26th, where we’ll be hurling abuse at a meat and potatoes (a LOT of meat and potatoes) thrash band! (and not bothering to review them)

  • Posted October 14, 2009 at 4:47 pm | Permalink

    Yes please do come down everyone! We will be humbled by your attendance!

  • Posted October 15, 2009 at 11:44 am | Permalink

    Gastric bands, honest!

  • Posted October 15, 2009 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    Do the gastric bands have the band logo on them NT? Certainly a novel approach to merchandising…

  • Posted October 15, 2009 at 2:46 pm | Permalink

    They could be classed as a gastric band.
    I haven’t heard their music as the myspace site is so packed full of arty add ons I `haven’t had the patience to wait.

  • Posted October 15, 2009 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    really- I was hoping for the ‘Myspace Quiz’, but was sadly disapointed-we’ll never know if they prefer group dates or single dates at this rate. It’s hardly Jefree Starr is it?

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