As is now traditional, piss-poor directions see at least one DT reviewer introducing himself to the entire UK beatbox championship upstairs before finally hooking up with the rest of the Downtuned school trip in the bar downstairs for Overkill’s annual classic thrashathon .
Monthly Archives: February 2010
Mike Patton Has An Awesome Sandwich. Also – Not The Best Interviewee
0 CommentsFebruary 24, 2010 – 9:59 pm
Pet Friendly Speakers Launched So Your Precious Dog Doesn’t Get Its Ears Blasted
2 CommentsFebruary 23, 2010 – 1:53 pm
Animals have been on this planet for as us human types. However, when you think about it, animals are generally rubbish compared to us. In ye olde caveman times, all we’d do is spit a spiel of incoherent words and gather food for ourselves. And if Miss. Caveman wanted some, she’d get the leftover scraps.
Humans have evolved in to all sorts. We invented the wheel. You didn’t get a lamb doing that. Some clever sod also discovered electricity. Not like a badger collaborated with other nocturnal wildlife to beat us to it. Finally, human speech patterns have improved and we can now communicate clearly to each other. Apart from in Liverpool. Scientists are still scratching their heads as to what went wrong.
It would have been quite cool if animals had developed at the same rate as us humans. We’d live in a society made up of chickens that could defend themselves with laser vision against foxes. Cows would also be able to prevent pissed teenagers tipping them over for cheap laughs.
Whilst this hasn’t quite happened, it does seem that us humans have looked in to giving animals a more prominent role in society. Nowadays we do more than simply butcher them for meat and use their fur as an overpriced designer coat. Look no further then the police force who draft in man’s best friend to bust various drug smugglers. The circus industry has also realised that people don’t want to see people juggling. After all, why have that when you can witness a bear riding a stupidly small bike and a fully clothed dancing monkey.
The one thing that animals haven’t been able to do compared to us humans is enjoy a gig or good album. Sadly, animals go mental when they hear a low frequency sound and they would have been unable to listen to such offenders like The Saturdays and any generic X-Factor winner/loser/laughable person who auditioned.
Oh wow! This is totally brilliant news. Now we can waste money on a piece of machinery that does exactly the same job as something we already have. But now our fluffy friends can enjoy our musical tastes without their ears being damaged. Though any generic R&B about pulling girls in a club and then taking them to an after party will probably get the same reaction like a low frequency sound. Janet Marlow, from speaker manufacturer Pet Acoustics, said pets will now find their owner’s music soothing and relaxing. She told The Telegraph:
“My Pet Speaker is the world’s first sound system designed to cater specifically to the hearing sensitivities of pet. It transforms your personal music library into pet-friendly tunes that soothe and relax dogs, cats, horses, and their owners. The limited frequencies and soft bass mean your pets will not be startled or disturbed by jarring volumes and piercing sounds that put them on alert. It is ideal for pets at home, veterinary clinics, barns and pet care facilities.”
Brilliant, now our animal friends can indulge in some Dutch gabba with us at home whilst relaxing to some weak indie at the vets. And how much will this cost? Just £159. That’s £159 you could spend on beer, silly amounts of Cream Eggs and records.
Animals have been on this planet for as us human types. However, when you think about it, animals are generally rubbish compared to us. In ye olde caveman times, all we’d do is spit a spiel of incoherent words and gather food for ourselves. And if Miss. Caveman wanted some, she’d get the leftover scraps.
Humans have evolved in to all sorts. We invented the wheel. You didn’t get a lamb doing that. Some clever sod also discovered electricity. Not like a badger collaborated with other nocturnal wildlife to beat us to it. Finally, human speech patterns have improved and we can now communicate clearly to each other. Apart from in Liverpool. Scientists are still scratching their heads as to what went wrong.
Who Is Your MUTHAF**KIN’ DJ MUTHAF**KA?!!!
0 CommentsFebruary 22, 2010 – 5:29 pm
Yeeeeeeah boy! NWA may have produced a “bombastic, cacophonous car ride through Los Angeles’ burnt-out and ignored hoods.”(Rolling Stone Magazine), but who the hell cares about all that poverty and police brutality stuff -what we really like is the swearing!
As we all muthafucking know, swearing makes you harder and more muthafuckin’ sexy than any other muthafuckin’ muthafucka on your block. You want to be sexy dont you muthafucka? Of course you muthafuckin’ do! So why not check out the profanties only mix of NWA’s stone cold muthafuckin classic Straight Outta Compton?
Sure it might be missing the point completely -and reduce classic Comptons in the House to a mere 27 seconds – but those is valuable seconds you could be using to pop a cap in someone’s ass or nail some bitches..whatever those things are.
Anyway -it’ll still slam ya down to the street top: Check it out here!
Top Ten: Black Albums!
0 CommentsFebruary 22, 2010 – 2:50 pm
How black is too black? None! Erm…or something…
anyway, put on your mining helmet and join us as we head down the dimly-lit path of rock n’roll nightmares and uncover the oily remains of The Blackest Albums EVER!!!!!!
