Monthly Archives: July 2010

Nick Cave To Write New Crow Movie…

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nick-cave-crow

What sucks? MOVIE REMAKES!

What rules? NICK CAVE!

So, finding out that 18 foot tall Australian master of jangly post goth awesome is penning a new version of The Crow is somewhat confusing. On the one hand, do we really need another version of The Crow? Alright, it’s a decent enough movie, but then it did spawn the horrible habit of lanky, spotty, goth boys dressing in duct tape every halloween. And remakes are genetically predisposed to be horrible bags of toss.

But then, Nick Cave is writing it. And Nick Cave is known for not sucking at anything. The Proposition was a pretty cool movie. Both his books do that dirty southern gothic thing with the subtly that few can manage.  And all his music projects have ruled.

The combination of Cave and Crow  would also cause a goth critical mass that would suck anyone wearing an ankh into a very, very black hole. Which would be funny.

The 1,2,3,4 – Shoreditch Park,London

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Here I am in the sun, doing my best to look like a communist. One that's into Trans-Ams.

Here I am in the sun, doing my best to look like a communist. One that's into Trans-Ams.

You know, there was a time when I considered myself ahead of the musical curve.
I got into metal when I was at school, and my collection got pretty big over the next decade. My tastes got more eclectic and (I like to think) more sophisticated. I spent time feeding my passion for obscure doom, hunting out limited edition vinyl singles, writing to bands and zines (There was no ‘interwebz’ in those days), and even tape trading.

By doing this I uncovered a lot of great music that most people will never get to hear. If you can be bothered then I thoroughly recommend you check out Pale Divine and Sir Hedgehog. I’m not going to add MySpace links because..well, because they don’t exist, but do some hunting for Black Tears distro or something and they’ll point you in the right direction.

Anyway, after school I took about ten years out from education. For some reason I thought I could be a musician, so I spent my time working McJobs and spending the cash on guitars and amps, fuel to get to gigs, and me and some friends wrote some great (and some not so great) songs. It was a lot of fun.

Wavves. Bought to you by the letter V.

Wavves. Bought to you by the letter V.

So, eventually I returned to university at the ripe old age of 26, and had a lot of fun making out with teenagers and drinking. While I was there I met this chick. She was hot and fun and we really clicked. We had different tastes in music but we also had that same openess to new sounds and experiences. We took pleasure in discovering new things and I fell pretty hard for her, and she eventually broke my heart.

Afterwards,as part of the healing process I cut off all my hair and developed a pathological hatred for anything kooky, ooky, or altogether electro-ey. I thought it was because it stirred up too many bad memories, but actually it’s because I started seeing through all that posing, affected, skinny jeans and blue hair teenage shit.

You don’t like music hipsters, you just like name dropping bands you hope your moustachioed, vintage-clad friends won’t have heard of.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I caught a couple of bands at this thing. The Vivian Girls were on, and even though most of their songs seem to be about Mopeds (being ‘British’ is cool you see?) they’d have been alright, except that every festival sound engineer in the world now watches Glastonbury on TV and actually thinks that’s a decent mix.

Wise up knob twiddlers. If you want a decent festival sound watch some footage of Donnington in the mid 80s, when you could hear the band properly. To be fair, you also need a 400,000 Watt P.A System. And maybe the band just sound like they’re playing in a wind tunnel on purpose. Ever been in a wind tunnel? I once dropped a loud guff in bed but that’s about it.

The Vivian girls. Possibly pictured in a wind tunnel.

The Vivian girls. Possibly pictured in a wind tunnel.

Anyway, there were also two types of booze on sale (San Miguel and fucking pear cider), and about a hundred nondescipt experimental art bands. There was also a pretty heavy socialist presence, because hey, Che’ was hip too you know? I once met a guy who’d met him. Apparently he looked like a chimp. On that basis I wrote a sitcom script about ex-revolutionaries living in an old people’s home together. It’s just as well I didn’t bring it along, because there’s no recycling bins. Conspicuous waste is cool.

I always saw myself as an artist I guess. I took pleasure in the things I created, and always spent time on the details, the little things that make something stand out. Now I spend my weekends in sub-Mad Max landscapes, surrounded by people who think it’s ok to go out wearing a cloak made from knotted doilies.

Old women are cool.

Doilycraft is cool.

That guy who used to be in Joy Division threatening to play his hit.

He’s cool too.

I’m really not that cool.

Metal Pizza Sign Guy: Hooray For Humanity

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This is what being metal as fuck is all about. You may have a terrible job holding a sign for a pizza place. But that does not stop you from ROCKING THE FUCK OUT.

When life give you lemons CRUSH THE LEMONS IN A FIST OF METAL AND BANG FOR SATAN! FUCK LEMONADE! ROOOAAGGGHHH!

Gathering Of The Juggalos. Weep For Humanity.

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Watch the above video for as long as you can. I lasted for around three minutes.

If you’ve made it through the entire thing without vomiting on yourself, congratulations! You are now fully aware that there is an entire festival based around the rappers dressed as clowns sub genre invented by the ICP, famous as late for not knowing how magnets work.

I have never seen so many ugly people in one video.

Danzig Discovers The Danzig / Rollins Slash Fic Comic

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henry-glen-forever-danzig

A while ago we reported on the fact that someone had created a Roillins / Danzig slash fiction comic imagining a world where the two icons of awesome lived together as very special friends. Rollins saw it and thought it was funny. Thanks to Decibel magazine, Danzig has seen it too.

Well, kinda. He knows it exists but didn’t want to see it.

And in a quite brilliant turn of events, the dude who created the comic in the first place turned Danzig’s reaction into another comic.  Read the whole thing here.

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