Author Archives: Von

Enter Sandman Gets Smooth Jazzed

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One day I’m going to get sick of funny metal covers. Until then, you’re going to have to bare with me. Sorry.

Silent Front, Nitkowski and The Roll Call For The Second Site – The Constitution – Camden

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Both myself and Mr Interceptor attended this gig. So we decide to review it in the form of chatlog. We hope you enjoy our moronic rambling.

Interceptor: So, what were the bands called?

Von: Hang on, I’m having a sammich.

Interceptor: Hows abouts a knuckle sammich ya godamn muldoon? I have spaghetti! nom nom etc etc

Von: Right so, first up were ‘Roll Call For The Second Site‘ If we don’t count the grind/thrash band in the Unicorn.

Interceptor: But the thrash band were good! They should go in! There was a Japanese lady in VERY small shorts! And beer! God knows what hey were called though

Von: That is true. We can thank for being a spazz. (Zak from weheartrecords invited us to this gig but told us to go to the wrong pub. There was a decent thrash band playing there.)

Interceptor: Thanks Zak. OK, so, tweeny thrash aside -Roll Call For The Second Site. Weird name

Von: All these post – bands have weird names.

Interceptor: Whats wrong with a proper name like Baby Eater? That’s probably what the thrash band were called. Oh I see-they were being hip and ironic..

Von: The audience did include some Hoxton types, so I guess there was a hipness factor there somewhere.

Interceptor: Camden Leisure Pirates is the technical term I believe -actually we should probably mention the venue -it was certainly cosy.

Von: It was fucking small.

Interceptor: It was like watching a band performing inside a shoe in a sex dungeon.

Von: A sex dungeon with tasteful pictures of ships on the walls. And a tiny but well staffed bar.

Interceptor: and of course, a surfeit of attractive lady drummers who doubled as stroke nurses. There’s nothing like doing your research at the bar to uncover these nuggets of valuable info is there?

Von: Indeed. So, anyway. The first band – pleasntly surprised. I think they had actual songs, rather than ’soundscapes’ or whatever these guys call their music.

Interceptor: Exactly, the singer was a little too keen to get down to his scanties, but they had a Rollins-esque energy about them -twitchy and shouty with real, actual choruses.

Von: Also, it looked like the bassist was about 14 – which gave them a sort of early days – DIY – NYHC thing.

Interceptor: And of course, being a mischevious teenage type, she managed to blow up a bass amp -always a good sign!

Von: True that. I’d have like to see them smash things up and jump off things too, but I think they were in danger of banging their heads if they stood up properly.

Interceptor: I think that would make it better -If you’re in an up-and-coming band, there’s nothing like a serious head wound to get the audience riled up I say!

Von: Bleeding over everything adds a certain memorability to the set. Anyway – so the first band – ace. Hopefully we’ll see more of them, and they continue writing songs.

Interceptor: Yep -they need to fully ignore their contemporaries and listen to more Agnostic Front and they’ll be fine -top work Roll Call! So who was next?

Von: Nitkowski. Who were one of those bands who’s songs just don’t go anywhere.

Interceptor: Big or Little Nitkowski?

Von: Big. Nitkowski Urban Achievers is the name of their fan club.

Interceptor: True, but their music was as endless and rambling as Sam Elliots monologues in the movie -basically, terrible noodly widdly wankery with too much jazz thrown in.

Von: This is what happens when bands are influenced by Fugazi and Godspeed You Black Emperor rather than Fugazi and Slayer.

Interceptor: Fuck Fugazi, they should just listen to Reign in Blood over and over again.Personally, I only owned a second hand tape of Overkill’s ‘Taking Over’ when I formed my first band -that’s why I’m such a huge rock star these days.

Von: Mmmmm.

Interceptor: I’ll be honest, I was slightly more engaged by my cider than by the band.

Von: Yeah. And I was suffering from some kind of stomach trouble. But thats a story for another day.

Interceptor: So, a band that couldnt compete with cider and the shits then.

Von: Guess not. The audience liked them though.

Interceptor: Well, what do you expect from a shoe full of hairy leasure pirates? NEXT!

Von: Silent Front. It was their party after all. But there was no jelly and / or ice cream. Crap party.

Interceptor: although there was pass the parcel, their new record dead lake -which one imagines, is probably not as bad as Celtic Frost’s Cold Lake…and I believe-the last ever weheartrecords release?

Von: But less Swans than Swan Lake….Possibly so.

Interceptor: So nothing to with Chris Lake then? Or Rikki Lake-the fabulous musical (and fat) star of Hairspray!?

Von: I don’t think so. Although a concept album on the subject of Rikki Lake’s death would be interesting.

Interceptor: is Rikki lake dead?? When did this happen? Why wasn’t I informed!?

Von: Calm down. It’s a theoretical concept album. Not really happening.

Interceptor: Curses, I was looking forward to taking over her chat show -this week on Rikki, post-rock noisecore bands – shit or what?

Von: So, whaddya think of Silent Front? Because I wasn’t amazed or nuthin’

Interceptor: Yeah they were ok I spose, but again, I didn’t hear a single – you know? They reminded me a bit of the middle eight sections from Mastodons quieter pieces

Von: Huh – good analogy. Thing with Mastodon is they then go on to write massive fucking choruses.

Interceptor: yep, this reminds me of a few years ago, when guitar solos were ‘out’ for a bit. Experimenting is fine but there’s nowt wrong with ‘ ‘verse, verse, chorus’ either is there? Jesus Christ that makes me sound old.

Von: But it’s true. if Silent Front and their kind put their musicianship into writing something catchy and put their noodling into the right bits they’d probably be playing stadiums rather than tiny sex dungeons.

Interceptor: Or even better -stadium-sized sex dungeons.

Von: Ooohhh…now there’s a plan.

Interceptor: What I’m saying is I think the first band had it right, they were innovative but still tied things up neatly -practice your great rock n’ roll endings arather than letting your tunes just fizzle out. And I’m not saying that because I fancy the drummer either.

Probably

Cannibal Corpse Gets Disneyfied

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First Slipknot and now this. I would drop some serious money on an album of this.

Pirate Radio – Seaforts To Towerblocks

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Last Week Downtuned was lucky enough to see a screening of the above documentary charting the history of Pirate Radio in London from it’s quite frankly ballsy beginnings an board sea-forts and ships to its slightly more low key contemporary incarnation transmitting from tower blocks using DIY technology. There is a whole lot more info here who commissioned and co made the whole thing.

Pirate radion in the 60s was a VERY IMPORTANT THING – giving an alternative to the state controlled radio at the time. Reaching millions of homes it was a real part of British culture. However pirate radio now – does it seem a little anachronistic to you? Considering to find new music requires a bit of typing and button clicking these days, dudes broadcasting to an audience with a maximum size of a few hundred people seem a little bit -dated?

All Of SPIN Magazine Online

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SPIN_logo_186_large

Hey, remember when music magazines meant something? When they were important and relevant? Before the internet came along and soundly kicked the crap out of them, showing them up as the stilted, outdated, bloated relics they really are? Yeah? Fun wasn’t it?  Journalists were almost as important as the rock stars themselves – reviews echoing in your mind as much as the last gig you went to.

Now you have embittered bloggers like me spouting vitriol on a thousand cookie cutter blogs, each trying to outdo each other on spite and bile levels. – Which, to be honest is still fun, but doesn’t quite have the same romance.

But fear not! For the Gods of the internet themselves – Google – have put every single issue of seminal American indie magazine SPIN online so you can relive those days when a single 100 word review could crush the dreams and careers of hopeful alt. rockers. Go have a read.

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