This Week: Iron Maiden!

1: Despite being a professional pilot in his spare time, Iron Maiden’s diminutive frontman Bruce Dickinson actually suffers from a crippling fear of heights. “I just don’t like looking down, that’s why I never grew taller” said the pint-sized air raid siren.

2: Maiden’s legendary manager Rod Smallwood is actually the proud owner of a small wood. After buying several hundred acres of the New Forest in 2001, Rod had every single pony driven out or shot. “I’ve never trusted their long faces” Said the grumpy impresario.

3: The South American leg of Maiden’s mammoth 1980’s ‘Somewhere In Time’ took a turn for the worse when the band stopped at a roadside stall to buy some Strawberries. Unfortunately they ended up blowing the next month’s tour budget when an accounting error left the band not realising that Ecuador’s exchange rate is the wrong way round, meaning each punnet cost nearly £30,000!

4: Maiden sticksman Nicko McBrain once won the world Pumpkin carving championship in Aurora, Illinois. “I used to practice on tour, the Rock N’ Roll lifestyle was never my thing” Explained the flat-conked percussionist.

5: Ex-Maiden singer Paul DiAnno was a bit of a dick.

6: When vestigial, deformed third Maiden guitarist Janick Gers is out in native Hammersmith, he likes nothing better than to start a bit of a ruck. “Every time I’m near the Apollo it all kicks off” claimed the horse-haired 6th member.

7: Iron Maiden’s resident 4-string tickler Steve Harris came up with the band’s name when he fell in love with a robotic woman called Maria. “She was so beautiful, I just had to help the workers of Metropolis rise up against their wealthy overlords” said the West Ham low frequency genius.

8: Maiden guitarist Dave Murray maintains his famous figure thanks to an exclusive sponsorship deal with Ginster’s pies and Panda Pops cola. “I sell the spare pies at market each Sunday to pay for guitars and spandex” bellowed the moon-faced axeman.

9: Maiden mascot Eddie the Head, was originally made from Steve Harris’ Gran’s actual head. “Lets face it, she wasn’t using it-she’d been dead for 8 months” chortled the wicked bass player from his Transylvanian home.

10: Iron Maiden traditionally get the names for their albums from the tickets inside fortune cookies.

11: Leather lunged former singer Blaze Bailey originally trained as a bus driver, and was discovered by the band when they took the N9 to Piccadilly Circus for a night out at Stringfellows. “He was bellowing out of tune to ‘Kid’s In America’” explained Steve Harris; “I knew we had to recruit him, but that may be down to the large amount of PCP I’d consumed”.

Iron Maiden’s latest release “Your co-workers take pleasure in your great sense of creativity.” is due out at some point probably.