Tag Archives: Metal

The 8 Worst Things To Happen To Heavy Metal Ever

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worst-metal

Ahhh…metal. A much derided, mocked and generally-laughed-at genre. And with good reason. It’s ludicrous. It’s juvenile. It’s bloody silly. But it’s also, in my opinion, the most fun you can have with music. It’s great. But playing devil’s advocate or celebrating the spandex is another post for another day. Today we shall be looking at the worst things that have happened to metal, the genre, the musicians and the bands. In it’s long history, metal has seen its fair share of stupidity and tragedy. Let’s take a look at the worst things that have happened to metal…

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Rock N’ Roll Reality: True Facts About Your Favourite Bands!

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This Week: Iron Maiden!

1: Despite being a professional pilot in his spare time, Iron Maiden’s diminutive frontman Bruce Dickinson actually suffers from a crippling fear of heights. “I just don’t like looking down, that’s why I never grew taller” said the pint-sized air raid siren.

2: Maiden’s legendary manager Rod Smallwood is actually the proud owner of a small wood. After buying several hundred acres of the New Forest in 2001, Rod had every single pony driven out or shot. “I’ve never trusted their long faces” Said the grumpy impresario.

3: The South American leg of Maiden’s mammoth 1980’s ‘Somewhere In Time’ took a turn for the worse when the band stopped at a roadside stall to buy some Strawberries. Unfortunately they ended up blowing the next month’s tour budget when an accounting error left the band not realising that Ecuador’s exchange rate is the wrong way round, meaning each punnet cost nearly £30,000!

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Dyscarnate: Annihilate To Liberate – CD Review

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A metal logo I can read? Whatever next?

A metal logo I can read? Whatever next?

Dyscarnate are like an angry rhino on pro plus. Brutal, but very, very focused. This young Horsham four piece are one of the best things I’ve heard in a while. Not just demos, but from signed bands. It’s incredibly professional for a first release and, luckily, they totally have the talent to back up the glossy packaging.

It reminds me of Vader in a way, not musically, its far closer to American Death Metal in that respect – think Origin, Dying Foetus, Suffocation, Skinless etc – but the fact that it’s absolutely no nonsense head down intensity. No stupid samples or acoustic shit to taint the brutality of this release. It doesn’t let up. Not even a solo gets in the way of the lightning fast riffing and barrage of  double bass drumming.

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Desecration + Dyscarnate + Hovadah + Fleshrot – Purple Turtle 15/11/08

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Urrrrrghhh. Ruuuughhhh. Repeat.

Urrrrrghhh. Ruuuughhhh. Repeat.

“Umm, yeah, this song is called RAGUGGGELLWUGH!!!” Says the tubby funster fronting opening act Fleshrot. Ah, yes, the calling card of  bloody boring brutal death metal – a lack of any personality. Yeah, the songs have some cool blasts, and I’m sure the solos are all fine, but a muddy sound and no real tightness produce something that rarely can distract from the fact that the Purple Turtle smells like cthulhus arsehole. A big meh to them.

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